Social media makes it so easy for us to judge each other. No one wants their image in the world to be negative, sad or imperfect. Therefore, we all think that we’re all doing just fine based off our perfectly edited pics. I’m a little scared to share this post with you all because it’s pretty personal, but I promised to be honest. Contrary to popular belief and my carefully curated life on social, I am quite confused about what’s the next step in my life.
Okay, let’s go back to the beginning. I did everything I was supposed to do from the very start based off what my parents told me. I got straight A’s from pre k – eighth grade to get into a private high school. In high school, I played varsity soccer all four years, sang and acted in every fall play and spring musical, was enrolled in all International Baccalaureate classes and in a handful of clubs like robotics, newspaper and NHS. My high school schedule was so packed, I would even miss school to finish homework sometimes. I did all of that in pursuit of being accepted into a university. So, BOOM college. Main goal here was to pass my classes and line up a gig after graduation. For me, majoring in advertising, the ultimate dream was to get hired at a creative ad agency in NYC. I had already convinced myself that I’d have to work at a smaller agency in Chicago and work my way up to the top. I was fortunate enough to land an amazing internship at my dream agency in NY. I then worked extremely hard that summer to be offered a full-time position, which I achieved.
Anything I’ve put my mind to I’ve accomplished, but the dilemma I am facing now is I don’t have an immediate major milestone to work towards. There doesn’t seem to be a finish line in sight. Is that what being an adult is?? I didn’t sign up for this. Just kidding, but in all seriousness, thoughts like this race through my mind. Am I doing the right thing? Now what do I do? Am I happy? If I think about it too much I begin to spiral and I’m left in an utter state of confusion.
Sometimes my spirals start to confuse me because I am so grateful for what I’ve been able to accomplish, but why do I feel sad or unfulfilled? I begin to think “is there something wrong with me for feeling sad?” An important thing I learned in therapy is that life isn’t black and white. It’s okay to feel grateful for all that I have and it’s perfectly normal to be sad at the same time. It’s okay if my feelings contradict each other. I was raised on jam packed schedules and a very goal-oriented lifestyle. So, as much as I like to think that I am cool, calm, collective and carefree about life, I am not. Which makes sense as to why I start to spiral and feel confused when I don’t know what’s next.
If you’re struggling with the “now what” in your life, you’re clearly not alone. Reach out to me via IG or email. I’d love to hear from you.
-A