This week I have been feeling super sad about the situation in Minneapolis with George Floyd, the riots and everything else happening alongside it. It’s saddening and overwhelming all at the same time, but unfortunately a sad reality that racism still exists.
In most recent years, I’ve been keeping quiet about big topics like race and politics. In particular, with politics, my excuse was always, “I don’t feel educated enough about what’s happening to engage in this conversation or have an opinion.” I look back at the number of times I’ve said that, and I am so disappointed in myself because growing up I was the first one in class, at home and with friends to voice my opinion no matter what. The thing is, I have an opinion, but I have been choosing to keep quiet in avoidance of getting into a heated conversation, causing conflict, getting judged and in fear of the way I’ll be treated because of my opinion. I have a right to my opinions and shouldn’t be scared to speak up.
I greatly appreciate the number of influencers and friends using their platforms this week to share articles, quotes and videos to help educate their followers. I know I’ve been reading a lot more on the topic of racism and it’s definitely something that I couldn’t keep quiet on this week. It didn’t feel right to post a blog about my feelings not related to this. I don’t want to avoid the topic. I am aware and acknowledge everything that is happening and am using the next few weeks to continue to take the time and read about racism. In parallel to all of this, I’ve been doing a lot of self-reflection. While race and ethnicity are different, I felt motivated to share my thoughts on how I feel about my ethnicity.
I am Mexican American.
To be honest, that’s not a phrase that I say very often. I actually avoid talking about my ethnicity at most costs. I know Spanish but feel insecure and don’t like the way I sound so I don’t speak it. But why? I am starting to ask myself why and I believe it’s because of the picture society has painted for minorities. But, it’s more than just this picture it’s the actions taking place. It’s the daily prejudice to those who can’t speak perfect English and look a certain way.
I’ll never forget all the memories I’ve had playing travel soccer as a kid. There’s one game in particular that I still remember, but not for a good reason. It was said that the 2009 swine H1N1 flu pandemic originated from pigs from a very small region in central Mexico. My club team had a mix of girls from different ethnicities but was strongly Hispanic. We were playing a soccer game against a predominately white team and they lost. The parents were so upset by the outcome of the game. When the final whistle blew, we lined up to shake the opposing team’s hands and I’ll never forget the parents screaming on the side lines, “DON’T SHAKE THEIR HANDS, THEY PROBABLY HAVE SWINE FLU!!” I’m sorry, what? We have swine flu because some of us are Mexican? We were 11-year-old girls who weren’t even thinking those things of each other, but their parents, grown educated adults were teaching their young girls this behavior. It’s our responsibility to unlearn the wrong things we were taught and reteach the next generations that come after us.
While my story is nowhere near as significant as what is happening right now, I felt the need to open up. Your race is determined by how you look while your ethnicity is determined based on the social and cultural groups you belong to. My hair and the color of my skin give me privilege even being Hispanic. I will never understand what it means to be a black person in America, but I can educate myself, use my words and take action every day to make a change. Words are not enough if we do not act.
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Thank you for reading. Stay safe, until next time.